Recovery
by ProfessorCactustheThird
Summary: Post-finale prediction; where Collins has used his most dangerous weapon against Toby, and now he's questioning the best thing he's ever had in his life
_This is based off the theories that I came up with and posted on Tumblr yesterday, I just couldn't get this one out of my head._

* * *

He came to consciousness surrounded by the beeps and whirs of medical equipment that he had become familiar with since he started his internships at 15, only it was different this time- he was the one attached to them, he was the patient. He kept his eyes closed as the sleep wore off and the memories filtered back in.

The team had rescued him before _he_ had done too much physical harm, but everyone had insisted he stay at least one night in the hospital under observation, ignoring the millions of times he protested how he was better than the entire medical team combined. The tests had only served to agree what he had been telling them from the start- he was fine, just a few cuts and bruises that would heal in a matter of days.

It was a good thing they could only see his physical wounds though, because the emotional ones…

" _He knows his mind games."_ He had warned Paige, when they had met _him_ again for the first time in years. He knew everything about _his_ mind games, had had first row seats to how _he_ had entrapped Walter in a never-ending spiral of thought, made then-teenaged Sylvester cry almost every day, made him think he couldn't even diagnose a common cold, and made Happy doubt her ability to replace the fluorescents on the company signboard-

Happy.

 _It's cute how you were ring shopping when I found you. It's even cuter how you think she'd ever say yes. And even if she does, remember how the last one turned out? Why'd you think this time is going to be any different?_

 _You keep saying how much you love her, has she ever said it back? And it's been what, almost four months now? Don't think she's ever going to care about you, buddy_.

 _I mean_ really _, do you actually think she gives a damn about you? She's probably just fucking you to get you off her case and quit your whining._

 _She made you stop gambling, huh? Doesn't even let you play truth or dare with that kid and the old normal you guys keep around? It's a_ children's _game for heaven's sakes, and she doesn't even let you have fun with_ that _? I don't know, seems to me like she doesn't remotely like you for you. It's almost like she's trying to mold you into a sad consolation prize of a boyfriend._

 _On the bright side, at least this means you're pretty decent in bed. Why else do you think she's bothered to hang around for so long?_

He shot open his eyes to escape the memories, his heart rate monitor already beeping faster than normal as he tried to get himself under control. The room was dark, barely lit by the machines and what light trickled through the mostly closed curtains and gaps under the doors, but it was just enough for him to figure out the silhouette curled up on a chair just about a foot out of his reach. A silhouette he'd be able to recognize anywhere, a silhouette belonging to the very person he was so desperate, but also terrified, to see.

The rational part of him was screaming for him to ignore everything that madman had tried to poison him with, to tell himself what he had told Paige that day in Montero, to remember everything that was going _right._

But sometimes whispers speak the loudest, and he just couldn't ignore _his_ voice in his head, calmly listing down all the faults in his relationship, every miniscule point that _he_ had elaborated upon to make him think that maybe, he had been living through rose-tinted glasses these past four months. Maybe he should trust the guy with a much higher IQ than him, and _isn't it true that outsiders have a much clearer picture of the truth than those emotionally involved?_ Maybe, _just maybe_ , he had been living a fantasy, a fantasy that will come crashing down around him any minute now.

He tried to push himself up to sit, but the movement knocked over something that had been left on the bed and it crashed to the floor with the tell-tale sound of plastic against linoleum. He winced as the silhouette stirred- _you need to stop troubling her and let her live her own life_ \- and prayed that she wouldn't wake up, but of course she did.

She blinked herself awake at the sound of something falling, eyes adjusting to the low light just enough to see him shifting awkwardly on the bed. Suddenly she was more awake than she had been in a long time, dragging the chair closer to the bed to clasp his hand in both of hers.

"Hey, you're up."

"Drew the short stick, huh?" His voice was a mixture of pain and harshness that stopped her thoughts of everything she wanted to say to him dead in their tracks.

"What?"

"Sorry you got the night shift, I would have been fine on my own, really."

She was at a loss for words at his distance, settling for a lame "Are you okay?" as she reached up to run her fingertips down his scruff, something that had become almost instinctual over the past few months.

"I'm fine," he insisted, still scarily distant. "Go home, Happy. You don't need to be here."

"W… why wouldn't I need to be here?" It came out as a whisper- _apart from when they were at work, he hasn't called her by her full first name in weeks._

"Why would you?" He deadpanned.

"Because I-" She stopped herself short. She had no idea what was going on, but this was definitely not the right moment for her to say _I love you_ for the first time. "I was so worried about you, numbnuts. I finally got you back, why would I ever leave you?"

"So you can live your own life," he winced as he found himself quoting _him_ , but it wasn't enough to make him take it back.

"So I can- _what_?" Her hand dropped limply from his cheek to the sheets. "Toby, what kind of-" She froze as she realized what had happened. "He did this to you, didn't he? Went back to the mind games and doubts and tried to screw you over from the inside?"

He didn't respond, not verbally at least, as he looked away and pulled his hand from her grasp.

She felt her heart break, and tears well up behind her eyes at how _broken_ he looked. She should have known better than to think _he'd_ let him off so easy. At least physical wounds they could all see and help with, but who would ever know how deep the mental scars ran?

"Toby…" she whispered as she clambered onto his bed, grateful that his IV was hooked to his other hand. "Toby, hey," she cupped his face to get him to face her, but he nevertheless kept his eyes focused anywhere but her.

"Whatever he said, whatever he made you believe, it's all wrong. You need to know that. He just wanted to hurt you Toby, whatever it took."

"He had pretty good points though."

"Like what?" She asked gently, patiently, but a guard to her voice at the thought of him trusting _him_ over her.

"How annoying I was being, I mean _I'd_ date me just to shut me up. How I'm clearly smothering you, trapping you into being with me though you don't feel the same way."

She vaguely registered warm droplets slipping from his eyes to her hand as she opened her mouth to protest, to kiss him, to do _anything_ to prove his doubts wrong, but he continued.

"How I am obviously your worst nightmare when it comes to a boyfriend. You should never have to fix a relationship from the get go, Happy, you should find one that you are comfortable in and-"

"No." She managed to get out through her own tears and panic. "God, Toby, no. You're the best thing that has ever happened to me, can't you see that?"

He finally locked eyes with her for the first time since he had woken up, and she was physically taken aback by the sheer agony in his eyes. "No," he whispered. "You know me Happy, you know what a screw up I am. How can I ever be the best at anything?"

She wanted to scream, to make him see how blinded he was, to make him _stop calling her Happy_ because the nicknames were cheesy and sometimes didn't really make sense, but they were _theirs_.

'You're the best at making me happy," she offered, fighting to keep the small smile on her face even as he didn't shoot back the overused pun on her name as he had been doing for _years_. She snuggled further into his side, relief flooding over her as she felt him reciprocate the action- _he hasn't given up completely_. "Toby, I'm sorry I can't verbalize my feelings as easily as you do, but that doesn't mean they're any less than yours."

"Don't." He stopped her, voice so thick with tears she could barely understand him. "Don't apologize Happy, you should never have to apologize for me forcing everything on you so fast."

"Toby, you know me well enough to know that I wouldn't be here if I didn't want to be. I _want_ to be with you, okay? And I wouldn't have it any other way."

"I'm pretty sure you would," his voice was cutting, but she knew the tone was aimed at himself and not her.

" _No_ , I _wouldn't_. Toby, I know I've been asking a lot from you about the gambling and the truth or dare, but-"

"It's okay Happy, I'd do anything for you. But you should do something for yourself too, you should be with someone that is already reliable and stable, not someone so weak that he has to resort to playing games with a 10 year old because he can't get over-"

She cut him off with a desperate kiss, knowing she doesn't have enough words in her to convince him otherwise. The salt of their intermixed tears stung her lips, already sore from how much she had been biting them during the whole rescue operation. She felt him reciprocate out of instinct, but also felt the exact moment he stopped, trying to pull away from her, from _them_.

"You _are_ reliable," she pressed, pulling away just the few millimetres needed to speak clearly, still feeling the warmth of his breath against her, and _oh God_ how she had spent the past 24 hours praying to deities she'd never believed existed that she would be able to feel his breath again. "I trust you Toby, _so much_ , I trust you more than anyone else in my life. You've done so much more for me than I could ever hope to give back in return-" A sob caught in her throat as took in a shaky breath.

"Please believe me when I tell you how much I care about you Toby, how much you, _us_ , means to me." She was crying so much by now she could barely make her voice anything above a whisper. "Please believe me over that... _him_."

He wanted to believe her, he _needed_ to believe her, but _he_ was still in his head, taunts still tainting his memories of their love. "Happy-"

"God, Toby, I love you, okay?" She was practically hysterical now. "This is nowhere near how I was planning for weeks to tell you, but I do. I love you, you crazy shrink, please get that into your head."

He stopped short at her confession, he didn't need his training to know that that amount of raw emotion could never be faked, not even by a normal let alone _Happy_. "You… weeks?" He breathed, not knowing how else to respond.

She smiled at him through her tears, that heartachingly beautiful expression that he wanted nothing more than to keep on her face forever. "Yeah. Remember the day the team found out, you said that I wouldn't understand because it was all new to me, but you'd been in love with me for years? Just because I hadn't shown it much doesn't mean I haven't cared for you for years either Doc, and just because all the emotions were new doesn't mean I'm not in this as deep as you."

In any other situation he'd never have let her live it down, teasing her about being in love with him since the day they first met, until she'd have to push him down and kiss him off his high. She had been planning for that, all the ways to celebrate their latest step forward toward forever, but she had never thought she'd have to plan for this.

"You… you're not saying this just because I'm…" he gestured down at himself, and she kept that smile on her face as she shook her head against the nape of his neck, the loose strands from her messy ponytail tickling him.

"You know I only say what I mean, and I mean this now. I love you so much, Toby. I didn't start dating you to shut you up, I started dating you because it wasn't fair for either of us for me to deny my feelings any longer."

"Hap," he dared calling her by a nickname again as he flipped their interlaced hands to run his thumb over her knuckles. "Are you sure?"

She felt a wave of anger and frustration flow through her- _what the hell had that bastard done to Toby that one day under him would give reason to undermine their months together?_ \- and she was grateful to the darkness of the room because he was still so fragile that he would no doubt misinterpret the flash across her face as intended for him.

"Of course I am, numbnuts. You know I have never been more sure of anything in my life, than us."

He nodded and then was silent for a few minutes, the only sign that he was still awake was him still gently thumbing over her knuckles, and it was so calming that she was almost lulled back to sleep.

"I'm sorry Hap," he said eventually, rousing her from semi-consciousness. "God, sweetheart, I'm so sorry for ever doubting you over him, I-"

She reached up to press her lips to the side of his mouth. "Stop it. You're not the one who should be saying sorry. It's all on that bastard, you know that."

"This is the second time you have to clean up the mess he's left behind," he reminisced, drowning in guilt.

"It's worth it, Doc. You, us, the team as a whole, it's all worth it."

He offered her a small smile as he turned the best he could to kiss her forehead. "I'll make up for this, I promise. God, after everything I warned Paige about in Montero, and I went and played right into his hands."

"He didn't really give you much of a choice…"

"There's always a choice."

"Yeah, and you just made the right one by listening to and believing in what I said."

His voice became serious as he looked straight at her. "I'll always believe in you, Hap."

"Right back at you Doc," she leaned up to kiss him again, relishing in how he kissed her back.

She pulled back for a moment, and reached to cup his face, "I love you, Toby."

Even in the dim lighting she saw the brief panic that had flitted across his face at her pulling back give way to one of the biggest smiles she'd ever seen from him. "I love you too, Happy." He pulled her into him and buried his face into her hair, ignoring how his bruises and sore muscles protested her pressing against him. "Oh sweetheart, I love you so much."

* * *

A few minutes later would find them drifting off, wrapped up securely in each other's arms as they had been doing for weeks. The sleep would be a little more uncomfortable and fitful than normal, but they'd get through it together, as they always would.

A few hours later would find the rest of the team walk in on them still sleeping, curled up around each other as much as the machines connected to Toby would allow. Paige would secretly take a picture and send it to the two of them, who would each keep it as one of the strongest reminders of their love and devotion to each other.

A few years later would find Toby going through thousands of photos on his phone, figuring out which to delete and which to upload to the latest cloud software Walter had set up for the team. He would eventually reach that picture and remember all that had happened in the 36 hours before, all the doubts and worries that still lingered for weeks after. But then he would look across the garage and see Happy, working at an awkward angle because she was too pregnant with their first to reach for her tools while sitting straight, the bands on her finger glinting in the morning light.

And he would laugh at himself for ever having second thoughts; because now he knows there was never anything to worry about.

* * *

 _Hope you guys liked it! I know it's not my best work, but it's what you get when I'm in denial of finals. After all, what better way to procrastinate a 500 word essay than by writing an almost 3000 word fanfic, amiright?_

 _Please do drop in a comment if you have the time, they really put a smile on my face (:_

 _Thanks for reading, I love all of you!_


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